Sunday, July 28, 2024

ERIC TRIJBELS -- AUTHOR INTERVIEW WITH DR. MEL

 



Website: www.trijbels.com



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Can you tell us a little about yourself and your journey to becoming an author?

Childhood trauma left me with complex PTSD and dissociative identity disorder; my mother was violently narcissistic, and my father was socially disabled. So, as a child, I learned to be as invisible as possible, but that didn’t stop the rage and hate I experienced. With nowhere to hide, I went into total physical and emotional dissociation and ended up spending the first 40 years full of self-hate and isolation. Around when my son was born, I started realizing I needed to heal if I wanted my son to not go through the same experience. I sought therapy and started volunteering as a Buddhist counselor in prison. The inmates benefited so much from my stories and self-reflection on past events that they urged me to write a book. After many years and myriad individual articles written, I have picked up the challenge, and this book is the result.

What inspired you to start writing, and who are your literary influences?

Writing, for me, is giving back and healing simultaneously. I’m not sure how much I picked up from his style, but as a young adult, I loved reading Tolkien, Umberto Eco, and Jan Jacob Slauerhoff.

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How do you think your background and experiences have shaped your writing?

Very much; years of anger and resentment have fully eroded my self. I have rebuilt a sense of caring and appreciation for life, but with the pitch black sarcasm of someone with little to lose.

Can you describe your writing process? Do you follow a strict routine, or is it more fluid and spontaneous?

My writing process was very much guided by my amazing writing coach, Margo Steines, who is a published author in a similar genre. She structured my process. Especially in the beginning, I started with early morning brain dumps before walking my dog or going to the boxing gym. Later, the process became much more structured, though I am proud to say that I maintained a strong discipline in writing every day.

How do you overcome writer’s block or any challenges you face during the writing process?

As an inaugural book, most of the initial material was verbal diarrhea, with ample material. Later, I had moments of worry that it wouldn’t be enough after editing. This is where Margo always came to the rescue to comfort and provide ideas on interesting avenues to explore. But frankly, I also wanted to avoid filling the book with too much “filling consciously”; I want this book to pack a short, sweet punch, pull you into the story, and leave you glowing with insight and a (somewhat) happy end.

Are there any rituals or habits you find essential to your creative process? I need snacks, hahaha.

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Please introduce us to your latest book. What is it about?

This book is meant initially as a self-help book for everyone stuck in a glass bubble of thinking everyone else is happy and successful, just not them. People who have experienced that they can be ill-fitted, who have become convinced they don’t belong here. You may say that that is a fairly narrow audience, but you’d be surprised: most people feel like that for extended periods when they are not too busy deluding their minds to think they are happy. I experience this whenever I open up a safe space for people to fill. My coaching taught me that. And typically, within minutes, they pour their heart out. The sad part is that no one openly talks about that unless prompted, but that unique feeling of a safe connection. We are all ashamed to admit we are struggling. And in keeping up appearances, we hurt ourselves and the people around us, reinforcing the idea that the only ones are struggling.

Can you share a bit about the research and preparation that went into writing this book?

Fortunately or unfortunately, I have vast first-hand experience with therapy, counseling, mental health publications, etc. This has provided a rich background to dig into.

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What do you hope readers will take away from your book?

I am normal given the circumstances; I am good enough, and there are solutions to, at the very least, cope with the impact of my trauma; there are people who can accept me for who I am, but I need to talk to them about me.

Are there any themes or messages you wish to highlight through your story?

You don’t owe your parents love, you don’t have to be ashamed of who you are, loving your children doesn’t come naturally but you do owe them to learn how to love them.

How has feedback from readers influenced your writing or your approach to storytelling?

The feedback mechanism is just gathering steam; some feedback was beautiful and inspiring, but I also realize that some people may associate more with my ex-wife or son than with me. While I always factored their perspective in (I had three basic rules when writing: is it true, is it phrased in such a way that it inflicts the least hurt, is the story necessary to support the message?), that feedback gave me more compassion for sure.

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How do you engage with the writing community and your readers?

I am reaching out via Instagram, Facebook, and my website. In Singapore, where I am based, I have also set up various mental wellbeing talks around the book, in which I hope to create a fruitful and ideally lasting dialogue.

What are your thoughts on the current trends in your genre or the publishing industry?

I never thought an amateur like me could publish a book. I thought that was for people who studied literature and lived in poverty for years until their dream came true for a handful of them, and it got published. With current self-publishing platforms such as KDP (which makes life so much easier), everyone can publish, although I now realize that your marketing skills drive success and much harder work, hahaha.

Can you share any advice for aspiring writers who wish to follow in your footsteps?

Have a co-reader or writing coach to keep you honest, disciplined, and accountable.

What are some of your favorite books or authors, and why?

I am a big fan of Tolstoy; his novels are hard work but rewarding. I also love the book Brutalities by Margo Steines, my coach, which I am reading now, and I just ripped through Stefanie Foo’s What My Bones Kow.

Are there any emerging authors or lesser-known works you think deserve more attention?

Me, read me, haha, you’ll love my work.

Aside from writing, what are your other passions or hobbies?

I love getting tattooed, but I have no more canvas left. I am a big lover of arts and antiques. I love my trail-ultra running (I ran everywhere from Patagonia and Kazakhstan to Jordan, Mount Everest, Borneo, and Vietnam; the longer and more remote, the better), and I am now pouring my soul into boxing. I also play er-hu and love drawing, though I need to make more time for that as right now, I spend most of my time in pro bono coaching and counseling (inmates, unprivileged youngsters, and women in developing countries).

Do you have any upcoming projects or books you are working on?

I am thinking of a more elaborate version of this book, but frankly, I would want to focus on making an impact on the back of the first book.

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Where can readers learn more about you and your work (website, social media, etc.)?

www.trijbels.com

IG: coachingbyirise

FB: coachingbyirise