Can you
tell us a little about yourself and your journey to becoming an author?
Childhood
trauma left me with complex PTSD and dissociative identity disorder; my mother
was violently narcissistic, and my father was socially disabled. So, as a child,
I learned to be as invisible as possible, but that didn’t stop the rage and
hate I experienced. With nowhere to hide, I went into total physical and
emotional dissociation and ended up spending the first 40 years full of
self-hate and isolation. Around when my son was born, I started realizing I
needed to heal if I wanted my son to not go through the same experience. I
sought therapy and started volunteering as a Buddhist counselor in prison. The
inmates benefited so much from my stories and self-reflection on past events
that they urged me to write a book. After many years and myriad individual
articles written, I have picked up the challenge, and this book is the result.
What
inspired you to start writing, and who are your literary influences?
Writing,
for me, is giving back and healing simultaneously. I’m not sure how much I
picked up from his style, but as a young adult, I loved reading Tolkien,
Umberto Eco, and Jan Jacob Slauerhoff.
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How do
you think your background and experiences have shaped your writing?
Very much;
years of anger and resentment have fully eroded my self. I have rebuilt a sense
of caring and appreciation for life, but with the pitch black sarcasm of
someone with little to lose.
Can you
describe your writing process? Do you follow a strict routine, or is it more
fluid and spontaneous?
My writing
process was very much guided by my amazing writing coach, Margo Steines, who is
a published author in a similar genre. She structured my process. Especially in
the beginning, I started with early morning brain dumps before walking my dog
or going to the boxing gym. Later, the process became much more structured,
though I am proud to say that I maintained a strong discipline in writing every
day.
How do
you overcome writer’s block or any challenges you face during the writing
process?
As an
inaugural book, most of the initial material was verbal diarrhea, with ample
material. Later, I had moments of worry that it wouldn’t be enough after
editing. This is where Margo always came to the rescue to comfort and provide
ideas on interesting avenues to explore. But frankly, I also wanted to avoid
filling the book with too much “filling consciously”; I want this book to pack
a short, sweet punch, pull you into the story, and leave you glowing with
insight and a (somewhat) happy end.
Are there
any rituals or habits you find essential to your creative process? I need
snacks, hahaha.
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Please
introduce us to your latest book. What is it about?
This book
is meant initially as a self-help book for everyone stuck in a glass bubble of
thinking everyone else is happy and successful, just not them. People who have
experienced that they can be ill-fitted, who have become convinced they don’t
belong here. You may say that that is a fairly narrow audience, but you’d be
surprised: most people feel like that for extended periods when they are not
too busy deluding their minds to think they are happy. I experience this
whenever I open up a safe space for people to fill. My coaching taught me that.
And typically, within minutes, they pour their heart out. The sad part is that
no one openly talks about that unless prompted, but that unique feeling of a
safe connection. We are all ashamed to admit we are struggling. And in keeping
up appearances, we hurt ourselves and the people around us, reinforcing the
idea that the only ones are struggling.
Can you
share a bit about the research and preparation that went into writing this
book?
Fortunately
or unfortunately, I have vast first-hand experience with therapy, counseling,
mental health publications, etc. This has provided a rich background to dig
into.
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What do
you hope readers will take away from your book?
I am
normal given the circumstances; I am good enough, and there are solutions to,
at the very least, cope with the impact of my trauma; there are people who can
accept me for who I am, but I need to talk to them about me.
Are
there any themes or messages you wish to highlight through your story?
You don’t
owe your parents love, you don’t have to be ashamed of who you are, loving your
children doesn’t come naturally but you do owe them to learn how to love them.
How has
feedback from readers influenced your writing or your approach to storytelling?
The
feedback mechanism is just gathering steam; some feedback was beautiful and
inspiring, but I also realize that some people may associate more with my ex-wife
or son than with me. While I always factored their perspective in (I had three
basic rules when writing: is it true, is it phrased in such a way that it
inflicts the least hurt, is the story necessary to support the message?), that
feedback gave me more compassion for sure.
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How do
you engage with the writing community and your readers?
I am
reaching out via Instagram, Facebook, and my website. In Singapore, where I am
based, I have also set up various mental wellbeing talks around the book, in
which I hope to create a fruitful and ideally lasting dialogue.
What
are your thoughts on the current trends in your genre or the publishing
industry?
I never
thought an amateur like me could publish a book. I thought that was for people
who studied literature and lived in poverty for years until their dream came
true for a handful of them, and it got published. With current self-publishing
platforms such as KDP (which makes life so much easier), everyone can publish,
although I now realize that your marketing skills drive success and much harder
work, hahaha.
Can you
share any advice for aspiring writers who wish to follow in your footsteps?
Have a
co-reader or writing coach to keep you honest, disciplined, and accountable.
What
are some of your favorite books or authors, and why?
I am a big
fan of Tolstoy; his novels are hard work but rewarding. I also love the book
Brutalities by Margo Steines, my coach, which I am reading now, and I just
ripped through Stefanie Foo’s What My Bones Kow.
Are there
any emerging authors or lesser-known works you think deserve more attention?
Me, read
me, haha, you’ll love my work.
Aside
from writing, what are your other passions or hobbies?
I love
getting tattooed, but I have no more canvas left. I am a big lover of arts and
antiques. I love my trail-ultra running (I ran everywhere from Patagonia and
Kazakhstan to Jordan, Mount Everest, Borneo, and Vietnam; the longer and more
remote, the better), and I am now pouring my soul into boxing. I also play
er-hu and love drawing, though I need to make more time for that as right now,
I spend most of my time in pro bono coaching and counseling (inmates, unprivileged
youngsters, and women in developing countries).
Do you
have any upcoming projects or books you are working on?
I am
thinking of a more elaborate version of this book, but frankly, I would want to
focus on making an impact on the back of the first book.
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Where
can readers learn more about you and your work (website, social media, etc.)?
www.trijbels.com
IG:
coachingbyirise
FB: coachingbyirise
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